It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
