she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize
