"it" just moved
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
