That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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