I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
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