i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
