brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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