Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
