fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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