is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
