Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
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