i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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