remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
