Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
