I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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