Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
