At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Randomize
