She's JV to your varsity
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
