he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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