There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
