is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Just invented taco cereal.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Randomize
