i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
You need a sexual gate keeper
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
