wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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