She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize