Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
