Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
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