I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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