lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
i've created a new STD.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
