She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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