I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
