Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
