I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
