Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
