she kept yelling 'call me bella'
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
