I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
