We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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