Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
