Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
