I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
my sisters under your porch take her home
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
