i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
