....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Randomize
