Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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