If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
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