youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
he thought i was a dude.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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