I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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