if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
