I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It's not a walk of shame if you run
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
