Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
