I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
