There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize