cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
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