Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
My dick has a subreddit
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
