How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
