Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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