cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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