I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
