Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
