I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
