I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
