apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
