Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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