I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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