Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
Come share oat with me in your robe
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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