I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize