if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
