If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
