Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
