got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
