You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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