he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
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