escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
