I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Randomize
