If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
My vagina is very pro this idea
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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